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That Moment When Getting Lucky Isn’t Lucky at All
Picture it… It’s Saturday night. Two a.m. is dragging her feet, but on her way nonetheless. You wore the dress that always gets you your best results, and the cutie you’ve been eyeing the whole night is saying all the right things. After one more shot for the road, you two head out, texting your best friend with your location on the way.
The next morning, you walk into your apartment in last nights clothes, only to find your friend, who has been waiting on a story of hot, passionate one-night-stand love-making, by the door.
What do you say? Probably something all the lines of: “You’re gonna wanna sit down for this one.” So, buckle up friends. These sexual encounter stories, from friends you haven’t met yet (aka strangers), will take your mind for a loop.
All Night Long
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Worst is this guy I met at a bar my last night living in New York. When we started getting down and dirty he went down on me for about ten seconds and just did these weird kind of licks all over between my legs, pretty much totally avoiding where he needed to actually be. Once he came up from that he gave me about three pumps, came, and flopped down next to me breathing like we’d just had some all night fuckfest. Get ready for this. First he rolled over and asked me how many times I came. It was hard not to laugh and harder to not tell him I didn’t even get aroused. Then he told me I was the second person he’d ever had sex with. THEN he told me was very excited about where our relationship was going to go.
Broke his heart when I pointed to all the packed boxes surrounding us and told him I was moving across the country in the morning. (LongwaytoLA)
“This Weird German Girl”
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Worst: This weird german girl I brought home who kept trying to bite my nose and then texted me the next day accusing me of stealing her phone. FROM HER FUCKING PHONE! (KaratenFriendship)
Parental Guidance
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The girl I was dating in high school wanted to try anal. She would get so worked up during sex that she’d order me to put it in her ass to which I’d oblige. One day we are spooning on the couch after dinner watching television at her house. Her mother was doing some scrapbooking in the next room over which had glass french doors. She could see us in plain sight. My girlfriend was playing with my dick under the blanket which didn’t bother me because she did it all the time. However, this particular time she started thrusting her ass into me which meant that I was starting to get uncomfortable since her mom was 10 feet away from us and having small conversation every couple minutes with us through the glass doors about the reality show we were watching. As things progressed, my girlfriend is now sobbing wet downstairs and she is guiding my dick from her vagina to her asshole over and over until I couldn’t take it anymore and I gave one big thrust straight into her fartbox. At this exact moment her mom walks through the french doors and sits on the edge of the couch to ask my girlfriend to comment on how cute her new book is turning out. This seemed like an eternity of interaction while I was literally ass-fucking my girlfriend. I’ve never sweat so much in my whole life. Looking back it was pretty damn hot though. (munkalove)
Only in Movies
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My wife attempted the alarm clock BJ on me. I always thought it would be hot, but I evidently pushed her off and grumbled something like “I can’t get any fucking sleep for shit in this house”. (dontlookatmeimnake)
I have a similar experience, but I kneed her in the eye not the nose. I tried to return the favor because we still thought the idea was hot. In her mostly asleep state she thought I was a stanger who had broken in and was trying to sexually assault her. The idea is definitely sexier than the reality. (YutikoHyla 204)
My ex and I had a standing deal, if one of us woke in the middle of the night and couldn’t get back to sleep, they’d wake the other with some oral sex and we’d have a good time and get back to sleep. We’re both sound sleepers, so it takes a while, but one night I wake up. 2:30am. I try to go back to sleep, but I’m just awake. I remember our deal and decide to honor it. Well, I try to sweetly initiate it. Goes well, so I go to put her legs over my shoulders and it’s like a fucking bear trap. She’s still asleep mind you, but her thighs are just set on closing with my head there or not. I thought she was gonna break my neck. Took yelling into her vagina and damn near slapping her legs to let go of me. Never tried again.
It was kinda hot though. (ROFLSwithSYRUP 361)
Never Again
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Worst: He had talked himself up so much (that should have been my first clue), and then come time to actually have sexy times he had the worst breath I’ve ever smelled, he had horrible body odor (even though he’d just taken a shower), he kissed like he was an oxygen mask (whole mouth over almost my nose and mouth and he kept licking me), then he couldn’t get it up to fuck me, and when he finally managed to get it up, he apparently started thinking about his ex girlfriend and started sobbing. Never again. (deleted)
What is that smell?
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HERE IS MY TIME TO SHINE. Alright, so one day a few years back I’m on a dating website and I meet a girl who I’ll call Stephanie. Stephanie was a little over weight but still a very cute girl. We texted for a few days just getting to know each other. One night on a Wednesday she texts me saying we should meet up to make out. I say hell yeah and proceed to take a shower. It’s about 10PM and I know that two 21 year olds aren’t going to meet up to just make out. I take my shower and we agree to park our cars on the side of a movie theater a few towns over (where she is from). She get’s out of her car and she is wearing leggings and a shirt that shows basically everything but her nipples (it was awesome). I drove a ford explorer at the time with the third row seating. I turn off my car and we get into the back seat to start making out. Within about a minute im going for boob. Stephanie said something along the lines of “I thought we were just going to kiss”. I told her that was fine but just thought it was code words since we were 21 and I had brought condoms just in case. She decided she wanted to blow me, hell yeah. She starts doing the deed basically bent over my back seat while im in a corner being taken on an amazing journey to pleasure town. This is when this tragic love story takes the fall. I peel down Stephanie’s leggings and start to finger her. After about a minute I smell what smells like legit feces. I thought she may have just farted so I keep going till I realize that her vagina and ass together are making the most putrid smell I have probably ever smelt before. I casually try and hit the window lower button on the back door but then I realize I turned off my car and my keys are sitting in the front seat. Right as im about to call things off she takes off her pants and gets on top of me while reaching in my center console for the condoms. Being the man I am I decided I was going to hit this. She proceeded to put a condom on me and rode me for 45 minutes straight before my body gave me a pity orgasm. We parted ways. I get back to my apartment and tell my roommate (and best friend) to come out to my car with me. I make him smell what just happened and he proceeded to dry heave while I explained what I had just done. (Placter)
Keep it in your pants
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Best: I got a blow job in the middle of the road in the middle of town in the middle of the night. I was absolute sure every car I heard on side streets was a cop coming to arrest me. I exploded so hard in her mouth it gave me a headache that lasted the entire next day. I almost went to the doctor.
Worst: I was home visiting when a girl I knew from High school hit me up on facespace. We spent almost a week hanging out when we go snowshoeing. We start getting frisky out in the middle of no where and its frickin cold. My pants are at my ankles and she’s blowing me. I’m having a difficult time keeping it up my nuts are so cold. I lay her on her back and go to pound town. I faked finishing my nuts were so cold I couldn’t feel them anymore. I pull up my pants and we get back to hiking. The longer we hike the more my nuts are hurting. I stop to pee and I go take a look at my nuts while I’m peeing. They are bleeding. I rub them raw but couldn’t feel them rubbing against the solid snow during sex. Fast forward 9 months she introduces me at her wedding to her new husband as the guy who took her virginity. (SuperCPR)
“Who TF steals a jacket?”
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Worst/Best?: So it takes 20 min for me to walk from my house in Canada right to the boarder. Anywho, met this girl on tinder that lived 2 miles into Washington; grabbed my passport, phone and wallet and got her to pick me up after I crossed over. We get our drank on at a this really sketchy bar that is apparently “the place to be on a Friday night”. By trying to out-drink one another, we get absolutely MC Hammered under an hour. THEN some royal dingus pinches my jacket with my: a. wallet, b. phone, and c. FUCKING PASSPORT IN THE POCKETS! (firstly, who the fuck steals a jacket comaaan) but Im too drunk at this point to care about anything in the world except getting laid. We taxi back to her place and fuck; not make love, 80s porno style drunk fuck. It was one of my favored sexual experiences. Wake up disoriented as fuck at 7:00AM to tinder girl throwing my clothes at me, apparently she lives with her super crazy religious parents so I have to gtfo or I’m going to be shot by her loving father. She makes me climb through the fucking window like this is some high school movie.. its not till I’m on the ground outside that I realize I have nothing but the clothes on my back. Im like wtf is happening at this point. I ended up having to go through customs looking like a fucking homeless drug addict on account of me being hungover as a maww fucka. Also didn’t help that I have a very Middle Eastern backround, so I was questioned and interrogated for literally 18 hrs and not to mention nearly “thoroughly searched” until they realized I was a Canadian citizen.
TL;DR – Canadian makes love to American, American boarder patrol almost makes love to Canadian. (mike_tython_thponge)
Sounds like love
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Best: my girlfriend was going to university in Florida and came up to see me for a week. I was early twenties maybe 19 and living at home with my mom. She was staying the week with me there. One morning we woke up both super horny.
We started having sex but we were stopped by a knock on the door. My mom asking if we want breakfast. No thanks mom go away.
We start again… Another interruption. This was repeated several times and eventually some company had showed up.
I had finally had enough and said fuck it. I lock my bedroom door and decided I was going to fuck my girlfriend fast and hard. We were trying to be quiet and discreet but the time for that was over.
There were no words spoken just action. I proceeded to pound the shit out of my girlfriend. I didn’t give a shit about the house full of people down stairs.
It only went on for like 2 minutes but we both proceeded to have very loud, intense orgasims. It was incredible. (FedDetainee)
I bet your mother was like “Oh he takes after his father there” (Rexamicum)
“Just like I showed him.” (H8R_Drew 329)
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Original by Kate Johnson
