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Relationships

Hitched: Will Your Marriage Work? Go On Vacation

by The Frisky November 15, 2019
by The Frisky November 15, 2019

It wasn’t until we were sitting on a bench on a beautiful, sunny March day in London’s Kensington Gardens, that Patrick and I had what I recall as being our first actual argument. Just under a year into our relationship, we took our first big vacation together. The details of the disagreement, of course, were beyond stupid: I didn’t like the way Patrick exchanged money. I thought he should exchange his money differently. More specifically, I thought he should exchange money the way I exchanged money, the way I had explained to him was the best way to exchange money.

I told you it was stupid. And it was our first day together in London. I had a whole week of being annoyed at money exchanges ahead of me.

Of course, it wasn’t about the money exchanges themselves, but about the fact that I felt like Patrick wasn’t listening to my valuable input about logistical minutiae. And I am the kind of person who feels like “my valuable input” roughly translates to “literally the only input you need.”

Source: VisualizePicture

Which was something I had not realized about myself until I learned it on vacation with the man who would become my husband. Thank god, Patrick also realized something about himself on that vacation: that hanging out with a bossypants harboring a pathological need to be obeyed in matters of logistical minutiae wasn’t, for him, a relationship dealbreaker.

We laugh about it now. We even joked about it in our vows — these days, we don’t have many (any) occasions on which to exchange foreign currency, but we do regularly disagree on the best driving or public transportation routes. Patrick likes himself a leisurely ride through BFE on the way to his destination. I like myself a swift, no-nonsense journey between A and B.

And so, on the day, this is what we said:

Me: “I will follow you into the fire swamp. (And then I will find the most direct route for us out of the fire swamp.)”

Patrick: “I promise to try and avoid taking the long way when you are riding in the car.”

Flowery language, that isn’t. Love poetry? Not hardly. But when I read those words, my heart goes pitter-patter, not only with the memory of our wedding day, but with the knowledge that accommodating each other’s idiosyncrasies is woven into the figurative fabric of our marriage.

And I think it all goes back to us taking one of those exhausting, exploration-heavy vacations that makes you wish for a follow-up vacation on a beach somewhere. Which is not, generally, one of those things that “relationship experts” and shout-ily gendered glossy magazines tend to advocate as a way to put the spark back in your lives. They just tell you to go to the beach and bone all day.

Source: Evaneos

I mean, I advocate going to the beach and boning all day. I do! But save that for your honeymoon. If you want to know what your marriage might look like, travel outside your comfort zone to a place where one of those two-bathtubs-on-a-sunset-hill-beach-mountainside setups is out of the question.

Travel somewhere that requires a map. You don’t have to go to Timbuktu; just somewhere neither of you qualifies as a tour guide. See what happens. See whether the fight on the park bench turns into seven days of squabbling. Think of it as travel-size cohabitation: maybe it takes months to get annoyed at a pile of dirty bras on the floor of a closet at home, but things like that accumulate quickly in a hotel room.

I look forward to the opportunity to get out of our respective comfort zones and into a place of discovery and newness. It’s like planning for a kid, but the vacation will never poop, say it hopes we die, or want to go to an out-of-state college.

Traveling with my husband is an exercise in compromise. We’re both only children, which means we came late to learning a certain kind of negotiating skill that I suspect people with siblings master early on. In planning our travel excursions, whether that’s to the state park for the weekend or to a wedding in Las Vegas, we’ve learned a kind of give-and-take that I hope will serve us well in the coming decades.

Patrick, for example, likes to go on long (like, five days long) road trips across the country. I want to fly to a picturesque locale and sit the fuck down with a drink. So for our next big trip? We’re going to Montana — flying — and roadtripping within the state, camping and horseback riding, with stops at picturesque locales with roofs and foundations for baths and beers.

I just hope those horses know how to follow my directions.

Original by Andrea Grimes

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TheFrisky.com is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. Amazon, the Amazon logo, AmazonSupply, and the AmazonSupply logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates.

We at TheFrisky participate in various affiliate marketing programs, which means we may earn commissions on products or services that we recommend or promote through our website. When you click on a link to purchase a product or service that we have recommended or promoted, we may earn a commission from the sale. This commission helps us maintain and improve our website and provide you with valuable information and resources.