Relationships are wondrous things. One minute, you’re head over heels and the next, you might find yourself in the doghouse over something you said. Whether you’ve been together four months or 40 years, even the best relationships have ups and downs. So, when it comes time to make up after a spat, you want to make sure it means something.
Write a Letter
Sometimes, it’s better to put pen to paper, especially if you had a heated exchange. After you’ve cooled off, think about what caused the disagreement and what was said. If you know you stepped over a line, admit it. It’s not always easy to fess up and admit you were wrong. In fact, trying to verbally apologize can sometimes lead to another fight. Take the time to put your feelings and your apology in writing. Speak from the heart and let your partner know that you’re sorry for the argument and anything that you know was wrong. Even if you know you were right, it’s still better to clear the air until both of you can discuss the matter civilly.
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Wait a Little While
Although it’s tempting to apologize after just a few minutes of arguing, it’s best to wait a while. Tension is most likely still high between you and your significant other. Both of you need to take the time to cool off and gather your thoughts. Interacting almost immediately after a heated argument is sure to cause another and unnecessarily escalate things. However, don’t wait too long to talk to your partner again. It can come off as you ignoring them, which will make things worse.
Don’t Make It More Than It Has to Be
Unfortunately, there are some people who may take an argument a step further and hold a grudge. If you or your partner holds a grudge, this can make things a lot more complicated. A grudge subtly tells your sweetheart that you haven’t let go of the problem and still somewhat resent them for it. Most lover quarrels stem from some of the most trivial and ridiculous things, like dirty dishes or a habit they find irritating. Unless the argument is about something that had or could have a substantial impact on your life or well-being, there’s really no need to dwell on it. If cheating is the topic of the argument, then it’s a different story.
Keep Your Ears Open
When the time comes to finally talk to each other, there is one thing that both sides must do; listen to each other. Refusing to listen to each other’s reasoning, thoughts and feelings on the matter will get you nowhere. It’s honestly absurd how common this is. In fact, not listening is a common reason why couples split up. Listening helps both of you understand each other better and make it easier to forgive and forget. Making it one-sided is not the way to go.
Try to See if There’s Another Problem You’re Not Seeing
Getting into a heated argument over something that is easily fixable usually stems from an underlying problem. The reasons for this are many ranging from stress to having a bad day to even depression. If your partner has been acting strangely, like exploding with rage despite being a tranquil person, there’s most likely something else going on. It’s up to you to figure out what that problem is. Talk to them and let them know you’re there for them. Communicating with your partner can go a very long way.
Change Your Mentality
Even the most open-minded people can get stuck in their way of thinking, especially when they’re angry. Standing behind what you believe in is far different than having a closed mind and only thinking in black or white. When hashing things out, try to avoid phrases such as you never or you always. Both of these statements come off as accusatory. Instead, talk about how your partner’s actions make you feel and what would make you feel better. The goal is to express yourself without making your partner defensive.
After a heated exchange, the last thing you want to do is communicate with your partner. However, giving them the cold shoulder will only make matters worse. After you’ve had time to cool off and get your thoughts together, you have two choices. You can either re-enter the ring, so to speak, and work through the issue calmly, or you can both agree to let it go until a later time. Even if you can’t find an amicable solution, letting things lie is always better than ongoing hostility and ignoring your partner.
Stop Making Excuses
There are so many reasons you can find to explain why you blew up. Some people blame it on a bad day at work while others say they slept poorly the night before. While both situations can put you in a foul mood, it doesn’t justify starting an argument. In fact, already being in a bad mood can make things seem worse than they really are.
Own up to your bad mood and your part in the argument. If you did have a bad day at work, let your partner know beforehand. It takes about a millisecond to send a text letting them know you need some alone time to decompress. You can also learn ways to separate negative feelings caused by outside situations as well. Cognitive therapy works well when trying to navigate negative emotions. While it’s completely normal to have disagreements, how you disagree can make or break your relationship. Learning how to argue constructively makes the making-up period just a little less sweet.