Here’s What a Middle-Aged Woman REALLY Thinks When Getting It On With Her Husband

Contents

She finds it extremely hard to get out of her head
A Challenge
In Your Head
The Laundry List
So Funny
Laughter is the best medicine
A Moment of Levity

She finds it extremely hard to get out of her head

In this day and age, it can be hard to find the time to take part in little pleasures that your ancestors had a lot more time for. You’ve got devices to talk to anyone, anywhere in the world, at any time of the day or night. You have so many more responsibilities at work, and you probably have a kid or two to raise. Even when you do have the time to get cozy and comfortable with your partner, you may find that you just can’t get in the mood. When your brain is too full, it can be extremely difficult to get off.

This love blogger spends her time writing about everything that happens in the bedroom, but she finds that her work can get in the way of actually getting it on herself.

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Their love life may not be great, but their laughter life is stellar

A Challenge

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Blogger Shannon Colleary talks about steamy stuff all the time, but she finally wanted to share the reality of what goes on between older adults who are trying to pleasure each other in between busy work and child-rearing schedules.

Shannon began, “Midlife sex can be challenging. Some of us need sex aides just to get things started. Viagra for both men and women — men, you are no longer alone when it comes to performance anxiety — as well as lubricant, testosterone, estrogen, progesterone and any sex tape that DOES NOT include Kim Kardashian.”

In Your Head

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“Case in point: I’m attempting a technique called The Pepper Grinder on my man. It’s 9 AM on Monday morning, which is one of the few times we can have sex because our children are not in the house, but it really eats into my work time, man.”

The Laundry List

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Shannon elaborates on what she’s preoccupied by when she’s trying to be sexy for her man, saying, “I’ve got to write a post on my website, even though I have nothing to say. And even I am sick of reading about vaginas.

“I have to write three pages on my novel even though I’m sick of my heroine who wears bifocals and pees in her pants when she’s anxious.

“I have to learn more about the Syrian refugee crisis since I’m going to one of the camps next month. And I don’t want to arrive equipped only with my first-world privilege and blonde hair. And what kind of shoes does one wear to a refugee camp, anyway? And do I need to take a fanny pack? And why am I thinking these things when people are suffering!?

“I have to weigh myself to see if the bowl of the Peanut Butter and Salted Caramel ice cream I ate last night at midnight f*cked me.”

While all that’s going on, she does something to make her husband burst into laughter mid-coitus…

So Funny

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She continues her tale, “And as my brow furrows with the intense concentration that is required during self-castigation, suddenly my husband bursts into laughter. I look up from my Pepper Grinding, which I realize I may have been doing just a tad overzealously while fixating on all the s**t I have to do.”

He tells her, “You look like you’re doing a distasteful task, like pulling hair out of a drain.”

Laughter is the best medicine

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They both laugh hysterically and can’t finish the task at hand, but they realize that the giggles are the best feeling they could hope to have with each other.

Shannon wrote, “He’s so kind and patient with me. Loving me more than I love myself. Even when I’m strangling his manhood while treating it like a device that puts ground pepper on your chicken caesar salad.”

A Moment of Levity

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Shannon concludes with this nugget of wisdom: “Sometimes LEVITY is the best sex aid for loving, fun, fantastic midlife sex.”

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Original by Emily Hingle