Spank you very much?
Spanking in the bedroom is a curious thing. Once a source of punishment for many of us as children, it frequently becomes a turn on when we are grown and getting down. A few spanks as foreplay or during the act can be a nice unexpected surprise (if everyone is down for it, of course). It’s also a great way to segue into other kinks or BDSM.
Lately, spanking and BDSM therapy has become more than just a painful pleasure. It’s being adapted as a therapeutic means for people to let go emotionally, and devotees claim it’s a useful coping skill due to the natural highs.
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The Past, The Present
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“Sadomasochism” used to be regarded by early psychiatrists as psychological illnesses or deviant behavior. Freud said those who enjoy giving or receiving pain during sex were victims of abnormal psychological development in childhood. It wasn’t until the 1980s that the American Psychiatric Association stopped classifying S&M as a mental illness.
According to the OKCupid Blog, from a sampling of 600,000 users, 64% of men and 51% of women responding they’d either like to “be tied up,” “do the tying,” or “sometimes be tied up, sometimes do the tying.” Of course OKCupid users are mostly of a younger generation and or mostly single or open.
Why does pain mean pleasure for some?
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When we are turned on and fooling around, the neurotransmitter dopamine goes crazy. As Slate explains:
“Dopamine is love. Dopamine is lust. Dopamine is adultery. Dopamine is motivation. Dopamine is attention. Dopamine is feminism. Dopamine is addiction.”
Wendy Strgar writes for Huffington Post that “Love, sex, pain and violence all stimulate the release of similar chemicals and hormones in the human body.” She continues,
“Endorphins that are released in painful experiences are often perceived as pleasurable. Stress and pain can also stimulate the serotonin and melatonin production in the brain, which transforms painful experiences into pleasure. The release of epinephrine and norepinephrine in pain can also cause a pleasurable ‘rush’.”
Let’s not forget that BDSM is still considered taboo by many people in society. When your intimate life becomes stale, trying something new — like spanking — becomes exciting. You feel naughty, dirty, and that anticipation gets all those fun chemicals going.
Why do it?
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“The essential component is not the pain or bondage itself, but rather the knowledge that one person has complete control over the other, deciding what that person will hear, do, taste, touch, smell, and feel,” according to a lengthy and informative article by Psychology Today.
Michael Aaron, Ph.D. wrote in “BDSM as Harm Reduction“:
“For a distinct population however, BDSM may serve as both a healing and harm reduction approach to trauma and emotional pain. I have presented before, for example…. a case study in which one of my clients used BDSM edge play to re-enact a r*pe experience, and in this way resolved her sexual anxieties in the process.”
When engaging as a bottom in BDSM, you’ve surrounded yourself physically and mentally. You won’t be worrying about the mortgage or spreadsheets, or fixing that noise the car makes. Like with any (good) intimacy, it relieves stress and your mind will fixate only on the here and now. Doing it with someone you love and trust will allow you let go. You will get those natural chemical highs and come back down calmer and thinking more clearly.
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Of course there are boundaries in any BDSM relationships, where each party sets their limits and have a mandatory safe word to say when they’ve reached their threshold. “It’s a world where people’s emotions and well-being [are] paramount,” says sexologist Dr. Nikki Goldstein. She notes that there is a period after BDSM session where a dom will nurture and comfort the sub. “There is so much care there that someone with trust issues and problems with personal boundaries could benefit from.”
Check out some Kink Friendly Therapists.
Read more at Marie Claire.
Would you try BDSM therapy? Are you already into the kink scene?
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Original by Chewy Boese
