Be careful with those emojis…
I’m showing my age, but I remember President Bill Clinton saying “I did not have sexual relations with that woman” on television in 1998. No, he did have oral with Monica Lewinsky. While it’s not penetration, wouldn’t it upset you if you walked in on your monogamous partner getting head from someone else?
With dating apps and social media, it’s so easy to get a side piece (or more) these days. You don’t have to pick up a stranger in a bar for a one night stand, you can sit your bum on the couch and do some swiping and scrolling. The questions is where is the line drawn for cheating?
I’ve seen a lot of male friends and coworkers that I know IRL who are in relationships while I was swiping on Tinder. I don’t know if this mean they are in an open/poly thing, they are looking to cheat, or if they are just browsing.
While everyone’s jealousy/possessiveness level is different, I would be upset if my partner had a Tinder profile. That are people who are in committed relationships who use it for fun, to creep for their friend, or just to get compliments. But if they are messaging and meeting up with people, then BYE-BYE! No, you’re stuff is mine now.
Cam sites aren’t like straight up pornography. They are a two-way street where you are chatting with the person. Pay some money and you get get them one on one. Even though there’s no physical contact like with watching pornography, it’s more personal than porn.
Yesterday I was talking to a good friend of friend. I asked if he ever cheated on his ex of eight years. He said her libido dwindled due to meds the last couple of years they were together, so he turned to camming, with and without her. He made friends with some of the women from there that he still texts with.
I asked him if his ex knew he was doing one on ones with some of these women. “Yeah, but I don’t think she knew quite how much these girls caught feelings… A couple girls in particular got very attached and wrote me emails and cried on the phone and so on, so perhaps that could be considered emotional cheating.”
In Psychology Today, writer Robert Weiss, LCSW and others conducted a survey on women whose husbands “were engaging in significant amounts of extramarital sexual activity, either online or in the real world.”
They explain their findings,
“Our research found that when it comes to the negative impact of sex and romance outside the bounds of a supposedly monogamous relationship, tech-based and real-world interactions are no different: The emotional pain, the sense of betrayal, and the loss of relationship trust feel exactly the same to the aggrieved partner.”
On a Break
Sometimes couples take breaks. If one or both parties need their alone time, to focus, to think, to deal with s**t, then you talk about taking a break from your relationship. No, there’s no guarantee that the break will only be temporary. But in terms of cheating, it’s safe to say that leaves you open to being able to sleep with other people. You don’t need to tell each other about your adventures. If you want a break but still be monogamous, then state your terms and conditions during The Talk.
By the Numbers
In 2016, Elite Daily interviewed a hundred men and women between the ages of 18 and 31 and asked them what they considered “not cheating,” “somewhat cheating,” or “definitely cheating.”
99 people said liking someone else’s social media photo was not cheating. 94 folks said wearing clothing an ex gave you is not cheating. 93 people said watching porn was acceptable.
How does a person kinda cheat? Well, flirting through text is pushing it or if you hangout with someone you have a crush on. Elite says 61% of their respondents agreed that your SO having feelings for other people in the first place is somewhat cheating (even if you don’t act on them).
69% of those polled said that they would maybe leave their partners for somewhat cheating on them.
99 people agreed that having sex with another person while sober is definitely cheating. Drunkenly having sex with someone else got 97 of respondents to agree that intoxication or not, it’s cheating. That’s also the number of people who say a sober make out sesh is also cheating. But it significantly drops to 77 people when you are drunk.
86% of Elite’s poll agreed that they would leave their partners for definitely cheating on them
The best things to do is establish boundaries when you decide to get serious and monogamous. Go into details: Like if you or are not okay with them making out with people at the bar. Are gentleman’s clubs okay? Talking to your ex on Facebook messenger?
“The ‘cheater’ shouldn’t be the one who decides what’s kosher and what’s not. To find the answer, look through the eyes of the hurt partner,” clinical psychologist Janis Abrahms Spring said. “If your partner were in the room looking at you and feeling very uncomfortable with what they’re witnessing, you might consider you’re doing something hurtful or something that violates them.”
Cheating isn’t black and white. It doesn’t seem to matter to most people if it’s physic or emotional cheating, the end result is mistrust, betrayal, hurt, sadness, and more. The best you can do is communicate with your partner BEFORE you are in a place where you are tempted to message “Hey beautiful ;)” to some rando on OKCupid 35 miles away. Is your partner not giving you enough attention? Would you like to spice things up in the bedroom? TALK. TO. THEM. About your wants, your needs, you’re expectations. You agreed to be in a partnership, so be an adult and follow through.
… But if you’re gonna cheat, use condoms, get tested, and come clean to your partner, please.
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Original by Chewy Boese