It’s all about paying attention
Breaking up is hard to do. Yeah, it’s a cliché, but honestly… Has there ever been a more universal truth? Ending a relationship is, indeed, hard.
Every part of the break up process is just… well, hard. From the moment you realize your relationship is no longer working to the dreaded moment where you must share the news with your significant other to readjusting to single life, many people find themselves dragging their feet and wincing in destress.
Unfortunately, for most, breakups are a part of life. Not just for you, but for the people you’re dating as well. It’s sometimes hard to imagine when you’re jumping back in to dating that the cutie with the smile at Starbucks who always spells your name right is likely in the midst of getting over a breakup of his own. That guy with the good hair from the fourth floor? Some girl probably broke his heart – and broke it good.
The question is: Is he over her? That can be a little more difficult to sort out. Luckily, we’ve got you covered. Here are the signs that your new beau is still harboring some serious feels for his ex.
She’s all over his apartment.
Having reminders of an ex spread around their apartment is a dead giveaway that things aren’t entirely over. Not only is it hard to move on around tons of reminders of their life together, but it may also signify that your significant other doesn’t want to move on.
The next time you go to your SO’s place, take a look around. No, you’re not looking for their ex physically. You’re looking for her in mementos, in essence. (Don’t snoop though, stay in the common areas.)
Check the bathroom first. Is her soap still under the sink? Her tampons? If the bathroom is all clear, venture to other parts. Does he still have gifts from her hanging around? Not nice gifts, but cutesy ones… the ones that are more sentimental than valuable. (If his ex found his late grandfather’s riffle from WWII, let him keep it.) You’re looking for bobble heads, silly mugs, cards, ect.
What about pictures of just the two of them, are they lingering around? Are photos from her family gatherings still up?
He’s still close with her family.
Speaking of family…
We all know that when you date someone, you date their entire lives, including their family. Especially true in long term relationships, you become a part of their clan. On the flip side, when you stop dating someone, you stop dating their lives, including their family. This becomes even more imperative once you start dating someone else.
How engaged is your SO with his ex’s family? Does your SO’s ex’s mom still take him/her out to lunch every now and then? When your SO’s ex’s brother/sister calls to invite him/her to the house over the weekend, does he/she go?
He won’t bring you around mutual friends.
Also common in long term relationships, couples acquire mutual friends. (Even friends that were once one-sided become mutual after a while.) Rather they all went to school together or met in adulthood, couples’ friends are the key to double dates and group weekends away.
Mutual friends love, not only you, but you and your SO as a unit. Should your SO change, then well…
However, friends are friends. If they love you, they’ll love (or try really hard to love) your new SO. Introducing a new beau to close mutual friends with an ex is a big step and commitment. It not only lets the ex know that you’re dating someone new, solidifying the breakup, it also shows that you’re proud of who you have.
After a while (a month or so), if your SO is hiding you from the friends he/she has with his/her ex (but not the friends he/she has alone), that’s a topic that should be discussed.
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Original by Kate Johnson