Minutes before I walked down the aisle, one of my persons-of-distinction, Trenton, pulled a bunch of multi-colored plastic Tiki goblets from a sack, busted open a bottle of cheap champagne from a cooler, and measured out five healthy pours for the five of us in the little dressing room. Most of my pre-wedding moments are […]
Maid of honor speeches! Barf my face off, right?! It’s like, “Everyone, please welcome to the microphone this woman-shaped sweat blob in wobbly shoes and a champagne-colored dress that shows every outline of her Spanx bulge. Now: be funny and adorable, woman-shaped blob lady!” What a no-thanks nightmare! Instead of wasting a weekend writing a […]
Tis the season for the awkward bridal shower! We have no idea why they are always so uncomfortable, yet every bride (or her pushy mother) insists on doing one. Oh well, the universe is filled with secrets. Will the maid of honor drop a cupcake into her cleavage? Will a game of “Two Lies, One […]
Please don’t have a million people in your wedding party. There, I said it. I know you are the most popular and lovable person who ever lived, and you don’t want to exclude anyone, not even your sixth cousin because your fifth cousin is totally going to throw a fit, but I think you will […]
