This weekend, I was taking a cooking class with a friend when I was overcome with annoyance that my lips were chapped and my lip balm was tucked inside my purse all the way across the room. “Grr, I need lipbalm!” I whispered. “No problem!” my friend replied, reaching down the front her shirt and whipping out a tube of Chapstick.
We’re good enough friends that I don’t have any qualms with using Chapstick that was nestled between her bosoms (she later explained that the bra she was wearing is so roomy that she can store stuff inside the cups); but for those ladies who would prefer to store their miscellaneous crap alongside their own titties, there’s this miraculous invention: the Joey Bra! The Joey Bra has build-in pockets for stowing away everything from your credit cards to your iPhone, with no one the wiser. Why didn’t anyone think of this before? Genius! I’ll have to tell my friend to get one — as soon as she gets properly sized, that is. [$19.99, Joey Bra]
All bras are not created equal! Let’s take a look at some other over-the-shoulder boulder holders than dare to be different.
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The Bra Gun Holster
Source: wired.com
A bra gun holster probably makes more sense to ardent NRA fans and gun-owners. Right? I hope so, because as much as I believe in a lady’s right to own a gun, carrying it between her ta-tas sounds like a terrible idea. The $40 Flashbang Bra Gun Holster is a Kydex pouch, molded to fit the special model of gun, and it attaches to the piece of bra fabric between your two cups. The gun doesn’t hide in your boobs; it actually hangs free under them. Pistol-packing lasses can whip the gun free by merely yanking it — after reaching down the front of their shirt first, of course. I’d be way too afraid I’d shoot myself in the boob, or worse, to pack heat in my bazoombas. I wonder what the NRA’s stance is on reconstructive breast surgery for dopey accidents. [Wired]
The “La Decollette” Bra
Source: Amazon UK
File under: Problems we didn’t even know we could have. The La Decollette bra doesn’t look like a normal bra. It’s built with the bra cups cut out, and a wide swathe of fabric running up the middle of your chest. And you don’t wear it when you’re out and about — it’s to be worn at night, as a way of preventing something called “cleavage wrinkles.” Cleavage wrinkles are caused when your girls are pushed together too much in an uncontrolled way, so the La Decollette is supposed to manage their spacing while you sleep. Now that that problem’s solved, can we move on to finding a solution for hat head? [La Decollette]
The Marriage Hunting Bra
Single and on the prowl? Triump International has developed a high-tech bra outfitted with a timepiece that marks the time it’s taking you to find a husband. Talk about baggage you can wear! But this bra doesn’t solely support your boobs — it’s includes a pen with which you can sign the pre-nup, and the minute you get engaged, you can stick the ring in, and it’ll play “The Wedding March.” Is this bra puke resistant? We’re about to lose our lunch. [Talk2MyShirt]
The Nipple Bra
Source: Pinterest
We came across this ad for the Nipple Bra, which is a bra with fake nipples attached so the wearer always appears cold. It’s basically the same idea as those nipple covers Samantha Jones from “Sex and The City” made popular, but the Nipple Bra costs — $2,000!?
The Hand Bra
Source: Pinterest
The Hand Bra from CostumeShopper.com never lets your breasts down.
The Lighted Bra
Source: Janet Hansen
The Lighted Bra will draw men to you like a month to a flame.
The Doodle Bra
Source: NY Daily News
The Doodle Bra is one way to ensure you never lose a phone number again.
The Black Diamond Bra
Source: Pinterest
The $5 million price tag made Victoria’s Secret’s 2008 Black Diamond Fantasy Miracle Bra a really bizarre fantasy.
The Solar-Powered Bra
The solar-powered bra sounds like a great way to power your iPod or cell phone, until you realize you’d have to wear it with nothing on top.
The Candy Bra
Source: Close Up
Would you really want to kiss someone who ate the Candy Bra off your sweaty skin?
The Silicone Bra
Source: eBay
The Silicone Bra is quite functional, if you can get it to stay up, but it gives a weird nipple-free boobs look.
Original by: Annika Harris
