After suffering yet another defeat by alleged human Donald Trump during Tuesday night’s primary in Indiana, notorious handshake attempter Ted Cruz dropped out of the race for president. Twitter — being that they are Twitter and having feelings about things is pretty much all they (OK, we) do — had a lot of feelings about it. Frankly, since our entire country is a raging dumpster fire flying at screaming speeds down a hill into our own self-made oblivion, I’m pretty keen on the plan to not think about what Ted Cruz dropping out of the presidential race means, and think about how downright swell it is that even if we have to live in a time when our reality is a fiery nightmare that even history’s greatest dystopian authors couldn’t have dreamed up, it’s also chock full of very funny people who will make us laugh-cry about it. At least there’s still that, guys.
And then there were the people who took this delicate moment to remind us of the probably-more-terrifying fact that no President Cruz means we still have fucking Senator Cruz to deal with:
Let us never forget who truly lost tonight: the American people. For we are now doomed to live a life where we never get to see this man attempt to shake hands with the most powerful people in the world on our behalf. *shakes fist at sky*
Oh well, at least we’ll have Trump there in his place to randomly accuse them of historically inaccurate crimes.
Original by Jessica Blankenship