When it comes to dating this day in age, most of go in blindly. We download apps, upload photos, and write a little bit about ourselves. Then, we swipe, we search, we chit chat, and make dates. It seems like the sort of thing that should be totally easy ―dating isn’t new concept, after all ― but many of us get extremely frustrated with online dating because of the lack of matches, dates who flake, and even nervousness on the actual dates.
This is why some people pay for a professional matchmaking service even with all the free apps and sites on the market. It’s these professionals’ job to know all about romance, psychology, and human behaviors to help us cut through all the crap.
Here are some secrets from matchmakers to help you in your love life.
Too quick to dismiss
Both men and women tend to write each other off too fast if there’s not an initial spark. Why still cling on to the notion “love at first site” or fireworks on the first date?
It takes a little time and effort to really get to know someone, especially if the person you are meeting is shy. That doesn’t mean you should date them for a month, but don’t count out a second date unless they offended you, didn’t tip the bartender, or you really aren’t attracted to them.
Many people still have the fairy tale notion that there’s only one person for them: a “soulmate.” Hanging on to this concept makes dating soooooo much harder, because you’ll dismiss a lot of people without even talking or meeting up with them.
“How do you know if you don’t meet someone? A picture will never breathe life into how someone feels to you,” reveals Toni Bergquist, a professional matchmaker and blogger tells YourTango.
Just because they’re brunette instead of redhead, is that really a dealbreaker?
Mind your Ps and Qs
“I once had a client call me after the first match with a beautiful girl who I had known for about a year. When he told me that she was describing what her v*gina looked like to him over dinner, I almost died. Yes, she described it in detail,” Toni said.
Try to eat something before you go on a date at a bar. Drinking too much on the first date is a common problem. Yes, alcohol loosens you up, but try to remember to drink a glass of water for ever alcoholic beverage you have. Or choose a bar that serves snacks that you can share. If you get too tipsy, call it night because getting all wobbly on the sidewalk doesn’t leave a good impression.
“First-date conversation is small talk. Don’t talk about anything ex-related—there’s no reason for it. You’re in the present; you hope to go into the future. Why would he need to know that you have no relationship with your father or you don’t talk to your siblings or you’ve gone on 100 blind dates? None of that’s important,” Janis Spindel, of Janis Spindel Serious Matchmaking, tells Elle.
Stuck? Write these down on the palm of your hand (or, you know, on your phone notes if you don’t want ink hands):
What do you do, and how long have you been doing it?
Where are you originally from?
What do you like most about living here?
What do you like to do when you’re not working?
Top three books, movies, TV shows, and foods?
If you won the lottery tomorrow, what would be the first thing you’d buy?
The ol’ college try
You have to make an effort!
“How many hours do you dedicate to meeting new men every week? I ask most of my date-coaching clients that. Most of the women sit in that seat and tell me zero. That says everything to them, immediately, like, I’ve been asking where he is, and I’ve never even tried,” Maria Avgitidis of Agape Match told Elle.
If I wasn’t aggressive with my “hunting,” I’d just be stuck with guys that catcall me and they’re usually like either 17 or 70-years-old
It’s easy to cruise for people when are with a group of friends at a bar, but this makes you intimidating to approach, because all your friends will be staring and listening (and maybe even giggling).
“Men are very timid. I have this theory: Women who travel in packs do not attract. Men who are quality aren’t going to go in there and ask you out while your girlfriends are standing right there–he could get shot down. So it’s a really good idea, at about 4 or 4:30 P.M., to go to the bar: Sit at the bar, have a cocktail, get an hors d’oeuvre, read a mutual-gender book like The Da Vinci Code, know the score on TV, and pretend you’re busy. You’re reading a book, you’re eating an hors d’oeuvre, you’re meeting a friend–and then you’re more approachable because you’re by yourself,” suggests Patti Stranger, star of The Millionaire Matchmaker.
I would add on to NOT be on your phone at the bar. People might think you are doing work or having a conversation with your partner. Your body language is also closed off since you are hunched over to use your phone.
Do you have any tips for singles? Help out in the comments and SHARE this article.
Original by Chewy Boese