“Sexytimes.” “Beej.” “Gettin’ it on.” There is just so much sex slang I would like to see retired, like now. But I can giveth as well as taketh away. After all, we need words and phrases outside the clinical to describe “making the beasts with two backs” (that’s from King Lear, FYI, and it shall never be retired). After the jump, six new(ish) bits of sex slang that I think we should make happen. Share yours in the comments!
Definition: To orgasm; the act of orgasming
Example: “OMG, I was totally gazzing when Michael Fassbender went full frontal in ‘Shame.’”
Definition: To masturbate; the act of masturbating
Example: “It’s been so long since I’ve gotten laid — good thing I can diddle anytime I want!”
Going to the boneyard
Definition: Having sexual intercourse
Example: “I have a date with Matt tonight! Can’t wait to go to the boneyard after dinner…”
Example: “He fell in love with me the minute he touched uvula, what can I say?”
Definition: An anxious need to have sex.
Example: “I’m super mantsy this week. Thank God I’m seeing Adam tonight.”
Definition: Pubic hair that’s been allowed to grow wild; pubic hair that has the potential to scare off potential sexual partners.
Example: “If I don’t take care of this sascrotch pronto, I won’t be getting lucky tonight!”
Definition: What your cat thinks you are doing under the covers when you exile it from the room.
Example: “Dottie’s so upset we kicked her out of the bedroom while we were playing blanket monster.”
Definition: A pubic hair that gets stuck in someone’s teeth/in the back of someone’s throat after oral sex.
Example: “Damn, he needs to trim his balls. I started gagging on his pubic floss.”
Definition: The drawer, usually by a bedside, where sex toys are kept.
Example: I think I put the handcuffs in the slut drawer so the housekeeper didn’t see them.
Definition: Double penetration of a woman by two men.
Example: Look, that girl in the video is getting double rainbowed.
Definition: When something turns you off so much that your vagina dies.
Example: “He was so bad in bed I had to have a vagina funeral.”
Definition: When you’re having sex in the vicinity of a mirror and try to strike the most flattering poses.
Example: “The sex was great until he noticed the closet mirror and started vogueing.”
Original by Amelia McDonell-Parry