When I met the older man I briefly dated, I’d been drinking. And being that we all make bad decisions once we’ve had a few, I gave him my number. My real number. If I’d known that he was two years younger than my (gasp!) mother, I probably would have given him fake digits digits instead. But I was deceived. This dude was incredibly well-preserved and rolling with some friends who appeared to be about my age. There was no way I could have guessed how much older he was.
He bought me a beer and asked me my age.
“Twenty-six,” I answered. And at that moment, it seemed appropriate to ask his age. So I did, and I got a mysterious answer: “Guess.”
I guessed. “Thirty-one?” No. “Thirty-four?” No. “Twenty-five?” No.
Bored with guessing, I gave up. It took weeks of hanging out, hooking up, and marathon texting for him to finally come clean about his DOB, and here’s why: he was nearly 20 years my senior. His oldest daughter was in high school. This revelation initially creeped me out—had I really made out with a 44-year-old? But I played it cool. After all, I’d heard there were so many perks to dating older guys. I decided to give him a shot.
After months of testing out the alleged benefits of dating older, I know better. These so-called perks are really just myths designed to mask a harsh reality—that drastic age gaps in relationships are considered creepy for a reason.
While I’m sure there are some great older, men out there, I’m choosing to date in my own age range from now on. Dating older guys isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. If you don’t want to be the arm candy he keeps handy in a vain attempt to recapture his youth, I recommend not dating anyone who’s closer to your parents’ age than your own.
Click through to learn the cold, hard truth about dating a much older man.
Myth 1: He’s better in bed
Truth: Yeah right. Whereas younger studs get a hard on from merely thinking about having sex with you, his creaky body takes a lot more work to get going. Sometimes it even requires the help of Cialis. This can be very hard on the sexual self-esteem.
Myth 2: He’s more mature than younger men
Truth: If he was really any more mature, he wouldn’t be spending his time in the company of a perceived emotional inferior (if it’s true that with age comes wisdom). You have to question why he is intent on fraternizing with women from the younger set. Why isn’t he shacking up with women his own age?
Myth 3: He’s done playing games
Truth: You may be told that in his “maturity” he has no further need to play you like a ping pong table. Don’t believe it for a second! He’s still on his game, only now he’s better at tricking you into thinking he’s not playing games. Not fair.
Myth 4: His priorities are in order
Truth: Many guys in their 40’s an 50’s who are looking to hook up with much younger women are working through a mid-life crisis. His former priorities are in upheaval and he’s going through a second adolescence. He may be riddled with guilt about his poor life choices, or looking to re-live his youth by seeking the kind of comfort that only a gorgeous 20-something can offer. This is the kind of stuff for him to work out with his therapist, not you.
Myth 5: He’s financially secure
Truth: Because he’s older, he’s undoubtedly making more than most guys your age. But consider this: his bigger paycheck is very likely going toward alimony payments, child support, private school tuition, college funds, and the expenses for two households. And if he’s smart he’s stashing some away for his impending nursing home bills. Going out on dates? You can pretty much forget about it. He’s broke by the time he pays out all of his expenses.
Myth 6: Men look better as they age
Truth: Do you picturing George Clooney when you think of a handsome older man? You probably do. George Clooney is hot. Let’s be honest though; most men don’t look anything like George Clooney as they age. Gray hair, saggy man boobs, and extra pudge in the mid-section is the more likely what you should expect. Remember, you still have your pick of handsome, firm-bodied guys. So why date one with hair that looks like Christmas tree tinsel? I’d take a Ryan Gosling over a George Clooney any day.
Myth 7: He exudes confidence
Truth: Sure he can probably navigate a workplace or social function, but when it comes to you, he’s as jealous and insecure as the sky is blue. He’s afraid that you’re going to run off with the first 29-year-old that bats a lash at you, and for good cause: he knows that throngs of hot, younger guys are dying to snatch you back to the dating reality where you belong.
Myth 8: He’s domestically trained and keeps his place tidy
Truth: You think his ex-wife or 25+ years’ worth of girlfriends have trained him up nice? What? He’s still a man, after all, and if he’s newly single, he’s probably reverting back to his dirty man habits and pretending that they are new thing for him.
Original by: Jennifer Kuhn