If you thought vagina dentata was the biggest fear to worry about in bed, you are sadly wrong, my friend. There is a whole host of sexual phobias that could be lurking in your psyche. The general term is “erotophobia”: fear of all things related to sex. There are specific subdivisions to address various fears of kissing, shrinkage and even ladyparts. And I’m not talking about ladyparts with teeth in them, either! But just like those bedbugs you picked up from that hostel in Budapest, they can’t bother you if you don’t get them in the first place.
Parthenophobia: Fear Of Virgins Or Young Girls
Parthenophobics have to avoid nunneries, 6th grade dances and Limited Too stores.
Medorthophobia: Fear Of Erect Penises
A medorthophobic would not last very long as a stripper.
Medomalacuphobia: Fear Of Erectile Dysfunction
Being a medomalacuphoic is the opposite of being a medorthophobic: medomalacuphoics are extremely anxious that they will lose their erection.
Gymnophobia: Fear Of Being Nude
Gymnophobics aren’t just “never nudes” like Tobias Funke on “Arrested Development; they’re also afraid of seeing other people in the nude.
Eurotophobia: Fear Of Genitals, Especially Female Ones
You might think our entire Republican Party suffers from eurotophobia (and you might be right)! This guy is clearly hiding from a big ol’ vagina.
Oneirogmophobia: Fear Of Wet Dreams
This is the best image I could find to encapsulate the concept “wet dreams.” Come on, she’s wet and you could have a dream about her. And if you are an oneirogmophobic and had a noctural emission from that dream, you’d be freaked out.
Malaxophobia: Fear Of Foreplay
Malaxophobics should probably just masturbate to get themselves off, lest they make all their sexual partners think they’re very selfish.
Philemaphobia: Fear Of Kissing
Philemaphobics are afraid of the intimacy that comes from kissing but also the other sexual acts that kissing might lead to. I would not be surprised if philemaphobics are also severe germaphobes, too.
Sexual Claustrophobia: Fear Of Sex Indoors
Why is this sexual claustrophobic so scared? Because he can only have sex in his backyard, duh. Claustrophobics get anxious in enclosed spaces and sexual claustrophobics are afraid of having sex in an enclosed space.