“Is it in yet?”
The art of seduction is being lost. “Courting” a woman is almost obsolete in the West. No longer do men have to write sonnets and recite them to a fair maiden up in a balcony. We match on a dating app, chat for a bit, meet up, have drinks, and maybe bone — that’s pretty much the state of affairs these days. With both men and women asking for a late night romp by sending lazy “u up?” texts, it’s no wonder that so many men these days are bad at talking dirty.
Talking dirty before and during intercourse is a major turn on for man or woman. It gets our imaginations going, which gets us wet and them hard(er). The anticipation and teasing is sometimes better than the actual deed! So whispering naughty things in your partners ear is a good technique to have in your repertoire.
However, these women were willing to talk to Thrillist and on Reddit to admit the silly, inappropriate, and just plain idiotic things partners have uttered while getting down an dirty.
Pro tip: It’s easy to learn how to talk dirty to your parter… GOOGLE.
“I was being very verbal in bed with a fellow, when he started laughing, lost his erection, and said, ‘You sound like a bad porn movie.’ Needless to say that was the last time I had sex with him!” (Cynthia, 72)
“During a super-steamy bedroom session, the guy asked me, ‘So, have you ever thought about taking it up the poop shoot?’ Well, even if I had considered experimenting, you just ruined your shot.” (Lea, 29)
“‘Let’s role-play that we’re step-siblings.’ … Um, what?” (Gabrielle, 28)
“I was giving a guy head and he actually called me ‘mom.’ No, not in a sexy ‘mami’ way. Like straight-up, ‘Yes, mom, keep doing that.’ It was supposed to be praise, but I was not into it after he said that. Why are you thinking about your mother while your balls are in a girl’s mouth?” (Margaret, 25)
Steve and Susan
“After sleeping with this guy [back when I was 20 years old], he goes, ‘Wow, Susan — that was great.’ Well, except for the fact that my name isn’t Susan. I also knew who Susan was, and we looked nothing alike. So I replied, ‘Yes it was, Steve,’ knowing very well his name wasn’t Steve, either.” (Christina, 59)
I can haz cunnulingus?
“After going down on me, the guy I was with said, ‘Om nom nom.’ He sounded like a cat meme and I still cringe when I think about it.” (Allyson, 32)
“‘Do we really need to use a condom?’ is always a classic.” (Meagan, 28
“A guy in college I had been into forever came home with me one night. We were hooking up and he was on top of me in bed when he goes, ‘Do you want to make sloshy?’ Sloshy?! So un-hot, but my friend and I are still laughing about it 10 years later.” (Mandy, 30)
“This guy was doing me from behind and he kept slapping my ass and saying, ‘Giddy up, girl!’ Yeah, giddy up right out of here, you lame-o.” (Allie, 24)
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Original by Chewy Boese