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GuysLove & Sex

Dirty Talk: Women Share the Hilariously Horrible Things Guys Have Said In Bed

by The Frisky July 24, 2019
by The Frisky July 24, 2019 Credit: wavebreakmedia/Shutterstock
1.4K

Contents

  • “Is it in yet?”
    • Been There
    • Butt Stuff
    • How?
    • Unresolved Issues
    • Steve and Susan
    • I can haz cunnulingus?
    • Classic!
    • Whut.
    • Cowboy

“Is it in yet?”

The art of seduction is being lost. “Courting” a woman is almost obsolete in the West. No longer do men have to write sonnets and recite them to a fair maiden up in a balcony. We match on a dating app, chat for a bit, meet up, have drinks, and maybe bone — that’s pretty much the state of affairs these days. With both men and women asking for a late night romp by sending lazy “u up?” texts, it’s no wonder that so many men these days are bad at talking dirty.

Talking dirty before and during intercourse is a major turn on for man or woman. It gets our imaginations going, which gets us wet and them hard(er). The anticipation and teasing is sometimes better than the actual deed! So whispering naughty things in your partners ear is a good technique to have in your repertoire.

However, these women were willing to talk to Thrillist and on Reddit to admit the silly, inappropriate, and just plain idiotic things partners have uttered while getting down an dirty.

Pro tip: It’s easy to learn how to talk dirty to your parter… GOOGLE.

Credit: Dmitri Ma/Shutterstock

Been There

Credit: Billion Photos/Shutterstock

“I was being very verbal in bed with a fellow, when he started laughing, lost his erection, and said, ‘You sound like a bad porn movie.’ Needless to say that was the last time I had sex with him!” (Cynthia, 72)

Butt Stuff

Credit: wavebreakmedia/Shutterstock

“During a super-steamy bedroom session, the guy asked me, ‘So, have you ever thought about taking it up the poop shoot?’ Well, even if I had considered experimenting, you just ruined your shot.” (Lea, 29)

How?

Credit: Elena Sikorskaya/Shutterstock

“‘Let’s role-play that we’re step-siblings.’ … Um, what?” (Gabrielle, 28)

Unresolved Issues

Credit: Jacob Lund/Shutterstock

“I was giving a guy head and he actually called me ‘mom.’ No, not in a sexy ‘mami’ way. Like straight-up, ‘Yes, mom, keep doing that.’ It was supposed to be praise, but I was not into it after he said that. Why are you thinking about your mother while your balls are in a girl’s mouth?” (Margaret, 25)

Steve and Susan

Credit: Monkey Business Images/Shutterstock

“After sleeping with this guy [back when I was 20 years old], he goes, ‘Wow, Susan — that was great.’ Well, except for the fact that my name isn’t Susan. I also knew who Susan was, and we looked nothing alike. So I replied, ‘Yes it was, Steve,’ knowing very well his name wasn’t Steve, either.” (Christina, 59)

I can haz cunnulingus?

Credit: Golubovy/Shutterstock

“After going down on me, the guy I was with said, ‘Om nom nom.’ He sounded like a cat meme and I still cringe when I think about it.” (Allyson, 32)

Classic!

Credit: Photographee.eu/Shutterstock

“‘Do we really need to use a condom?’ is always a classic.” (Meagan, 28

Whut.

Credit: gpointstudio/Shutterstock

“A guy in college I had been into forever came home with me one night. We were hooking up and he was on top of me in bed when he goes, ‘Do you want to make sloshy?’ Sloshy?! So un-hot, but my friend and I are still laughing about it 10 years later.” (Mandy, 30)

Cowboy

Credit: katielittle/Shutterstock

“This guy was doing me from behind and he kept slapping my ass and saying, ‘Giddy up, girl!’ Yeah, giddy up right out of here, you lame-o.” (Allie, 24)

Please SHARE this with your most adventurous friends!

Original by Chewy Boese

dirty talksexed
The Frisky

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