Here are all the things I know about my body: My angular face no longer gains weight at the same rate that the rest of my body does, so when I gain weight my head looks smaller even though everything else looks about right in ratio to each other. I have proportionately very large thighs, […]
I am trying to be a little more organized, since I’m going to have a baby in about five minutes, and in honor of this effort, I sat down to weed through the old photos on my computer. Apparently, I used to take a lot of selfies (before they were known as selfies). You know, […]
I blinked a couple times in disbelief, jiggling the sliding weight marker on the old school scale in the corner of the YMCA. An inch to the right or left, and it would clank down, but the weight it was balanced on couldn’t be right, could it? If I was doing the math correctly, I’d […]
The two of you are there, in the middle of the most passionate and intimate act — sex — when your hideous and incorrect views of your body cause discomfort, displeasure, or sadness in the middle of the deed! Except here comes the worst part: you don’t even know that this is happening but your […]
Like countless American children, I grew up hearing the nursery rhyme that claimed that little boys were made of “snips and snails and puppy-dog tails” while girls were “sugar and spice and everything nice.” Attached as I was as a small boy to our pet dachshund, I thought puppy-dog tails were a fine thing indeed, […]
This weekend I was wandering around one of my favorite stores when I spotted a sliver of blue plaid fabric peeking out from the crowded rack of dresses. Blue is my favorite color, and plaid is my favorite pattern, so I was immediately intrigued. When I reached into the mass of hangers and pulled out […]
Whenever summer rolls around I look forward to hot days, gorgeous nights, skimpy sundresses, and sangria. But there’s one thing about this amazing season that fills me with dread, that makes me sigh dramatically as I unpack my summer wardrobe, that makes me cringe at the thought of an afternoon stroll through the park. Two […]
I’m currently in the process of losing some weight. While the experience has been less life-changing than I expected, I’m proud of myself for eating healthier and exercising more often. I feel good. The one downside so far? I’m at the stage of weight loss where my clothes mostly still fit, but they all look kind […]
I eat my secret cookies in the middle of the night. There is something clandestine, furtive about my stealthy trip to the kitchen, long after the world has gone to sleep. I am mostly asleep myself, I reason. This is hardly even happening. I can’t help it, it’s not my fault, I don’t even know what I […]
