We here at The Frisky Labs have spent years, and we do mean years, studying the male anatomy. From in-depth investigations regarding the male posterior to fully-funded studies devoted to manscaping, there is no stone we’ve left unturned in the realm of dudehood. Now, after countless hours spent in the laboratory, we are able to bring you breaking news that indisputably proves there is a direct relationship between a man’s penis-size and his personality. To put it simply: They are one and the same…
1. The Dong Kong
His Penis: King Kong ain’t got nothin’ on this dude’s dong.
His Phallic Familiar: Jonah Falcon, 13.5 inches.
His Personality: Ever since he figured out his penis was bigger than every other guy’s in the locker room, and the county, and the state, he’s had something of a My John Thomas Is Bigger Than Yours god-complex. It didn’t help when the ladies figured out what he was working with and started throwing themselves at him in droves. All this turned him into the biggest tool in town. As a consequence, he has a hard time keeping a job, and he’d rather lay around watching TV and absentmindedly adjusting his wang than take a girl out on a date. If you want him, you have to take him on his terms: lying down.