People are messed up
No doubt we’ve all seen those viral x-rays of weird items stuck up people’s butts. You know, a beer bottle, a lightbulb, a gun… While those stories can be hilarious, the fact is that putting household objects up your bumhole is extremely dangerous. It can result not only in an embarrassing and expensive hospital visit, but a messed up colon for the rest of your life. It’s not worth it!
Never forget the stupidity of the human race though. Up the arse isn’t the only dumb place people stick foreign objects to try get off. Little boys and girls are naturally curious about their genitals, but after a few decades of living, you’d think some people learn what would be a good or bad idea to do with your junk. Think again.
These people probably should have thought twice about what their wang is for.
Fork
Source: Imgur/letsrockteworld
This year, a 70-year-old Australian man had to get a small fork removed because it caused a “bleeding urethral meatus.”
According to a report published in the International Journal of Surgery Cases, the old guy wanted to “achieve sexual gratification.”
“It is apparent that the human mind is inhibited let alone creative,” the researchers stated.
Wedding Ring
Credit: Top Vector Studio/Shutterstock
In Nov. 2016, a 28-year-old South African man wanted a cock ring. But he didn’t have one handy, so he used a wedding ring… yeah, you’re already seeing the size issue. So like an older Eric Cartman, he scream for his mommy, who drove him to the hospital.
His penis was “severely swollen and blue, and constricted with a ring at the middle section.”
Doctors tried numerous methods, including trying to saw the ring off. Eventually they had to make “multiple puncture aspirations” so the swelling could go down.
Metro has an extremely NSFW photo of the dong. The head of his dick is a deeper shade of purple than a concord grape. Still wanna see? NSFW!!!
Chopstick
Credit: anythings/Shutterstock
In 2010, The International Journal of Neurourology, documented a case of a 50-year-old man who received medical help after a week of serious peen pain.
Yeah, it was a chopstick. However, the kicker is that the plastic chopstick was shoved up there for THREE F***ING YEARS before causing the man issue.
The second kicker is that doctors also found a magnet in his weenie. Why? To try to get the PLASTIC straw out. So what do you do? TRY ANOTHER MAGNET to get the first one out. I’m not s***ting you here. At least he inserted them with polar opposites touching or else that OG magnets would have shot up further in there.
Maybe he was a Juggalo? “F***ing magnets, how do they work? And I don’t want to talk to a scientist, y’all motherf***ers lyin’, and gettin’ me pissed.”
Eel
Source: sickchirpse
Taking baths with eels is a spa treatment in China for skin cleansing.
One man, Zhang Nan, was partaking in this treatment when he felt a sharp pain and realized a small eel found entry into his urethra. “I tried to hold it and take it out, but the eel was too slippery to be held and it disappeared up my penis,” he said.
After a three hour operation, they removed the slippery eel. The man is okay, but the eel died.
Plastic Twine
Credit: Tuomas Lehtinen/Shutterstock
“For the record, I’m not sure where this topic would belong, but this seemed like the better place.
Alright well, back in 7th grade I was quite the freak (sort of speak). I had stuck some plastic string (typically used for beads) into my urethra… don’t ask why I did it, I think that’s kind of obvious.
Well some time after that I had a urinary tract infection, and boy did it hurt. It only cleared up because I made many attempts to get the string out (would’ve taken it out way before then, but it became stuck… i ended up putting in too much string) and got to the point that i cut part of it that was sticking out… long story short… nothing serious happened, took out the majority of the string, and my penis is functioning fine.
The thing is, it’s been 5 years and I still have some of that string stuck in my urethra. Heck, I can just feel it when I grasp my penis with thumb and forefinger and rub sideways. I’m not sure if it’s going to affect my growth, fertility, or anything.
So, I guess what I’m asking is… Will the stuck string have some sort of effect on me? What sort of doctor should I see if I wanted it get it removed? And would it require surgery?”
Help big3steve41809!
Why go to the doctor when you can ask randos on a message board?
Lizard
Source: Pinterest
“Shawn” had to have a lizard removed from his dong. Apparently it crawled up his urethra hole all on its own while he was camping naked.
He said it was “pleasurable” but he had a hard time urinating, so that’s when we went to the doctor.
Jump Rope
Source: The Home Depot
A middle-aged man in China inserted a 3 foot long and .17 inch thick green rope into his urethra. If course the thing became stuck as it made it’s way into his damn bladder. The guy couldn’t pull out the rope, which had four knots in it (!) and dangled about four inches out his pee hole.
Homeboy needs some PornHub or something.
Screws
Source: Reddit
First appearing on Reddit, this is an x-ray of a man who’s angry girlfriend inserted a bunch of metal screws up his pee-hole.
I’m a little skeptical about this one… how did she do it without him noticing?
Read more reports about pee hole problems, and don’t forget to SHARE this horror stories!
Original by Chewy Boese
