People Describe Their Dirtiest NSFW Experience While On the Job

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Sometimes they got away with it, and other times…

The average American works 40 or more hours a week; that’s a lot of time to spend somewhere. You’re surrounded by coworkers that you see every single day, and you may start to feel pretty comfortable at your office or store. That’s the problem. You may start to feel so very comfortable that you let your guard down and do things that aren’t exactly workplace appropriate. In addition to getting caught in the act and having a tense relationship between your coworkers, your dirty actions could lead to you being fired. You can even be arrested.

Bait and Switch

I used to sell cell phones and service in undergrad. This was when smartphones were taking off in terms of speed and market penetration. One thing they told us to push was sports scores and such. They told us to get someone’s favorite team and go to thescore.com and show them the site.

I was not a big sports fan, and immediately brain dumped this info. A month or two later I had a customer in a football jersey, and I was super close to hitting my quote and getting a bonus, so I was really reaching. I was going to show him that site but instead pulled up score.com, which was a porn site.

He liked that way more than football, and bought the phone. (Jericho85)

Mastur-Break

On a graveyard shift at my place of work I was going from the front office to the kitchen to put some dishes away. To get to the kitchen I decided to take the short cut through the employee lounge. I opened the door and briskly hopped up a few stairs and heard the squeaking of someone getting up from a leather couch seat we have in the room.

A coworker of mine seemed particularly shocked and was standing there, breathing heavily with a flushed face and neck. I asked how she’s doing and, while adjusting her blouse, she said fine, just waiting for some stuff copies to finish printing. I said okay, playing dumb, and went to the kitchen. On the way back to the front I stopped by the copy machine and saw no copies being made, and am quite sure I walked in on my coworker masturbating at 4 a.m. (GigglesWithLosers)

Foundation for Sex

I sell mattresses and back when I first started I had a woman come in that looked straight out of Jersey Shore. I built some rapport and based on her needs recommended she try a bed. Instead of just laying on the bed like a normal human being she proceeded to climb in the bed on all fours.

With her a*s facing me she looked over her left shoulder back at me and said, “I feel like I could get a good f**k on in this bed.” Being new I wasn’t really sure how to respond so I just said, “Yep, I’m sure you could.” (bricedude07)

Involuntary Lap Dance

We had this new hire at my job a few years back. Pretty girl. Young and curvy. She would dress showing about as much skin as possible. I think she used to be a stripper. Anyway, she was fine, but for whatever reason she always had this chip on her shoulder about other female coworkers hating on her and saying her butt was fake.

One day she got into an argument with another girl who was allegedly calling saying she had a fake body. To address this, she got out of her seat, turned her back to me, the only male in the room, and started slapping her butt in my face. She then began to bend over and twerk in front of me for probably a whole minute before sitting down and asking if “that s**t looks fake.”

Needless to say she didn’t last long, but I got a lap dance at the office. (CPSux)

Lack of Boundaries

I was working at some coffee chain when I was 16 and there was an annual meeting that the manager was organizing. I guess she couldn’t find a babysitter for her son, so she brought him along. The problem with this is that he was actually a man in his 20’s with the mental capacity of a toddler. The guy was easily a head taller than me and would wander onto the floor behind the counter, would come back in to the kitchen where I was baking donuts and would simply take it and eat it in front of me with a grin.

Also despite acting like a toddler, he apparently had a sex drive, and decided that pulling up women’s shirts and grabbing boobs and butts was a good way to pass the time. So here I am, a 16 year old trying to do my job when the manager’s 21-year-old mentally challenged son just decided to very firmly grope my butt. I turned to him and told him to not do that, and to not touch me.

“Why?” he asked me, “I’m a man.” (Anodesu)

Flash for Juice

I worked overnight as a convenience store clerk when I was 20. A drunk woman came in and was thirsty but had no money. I offered her coffee for free since it’s not inventoried or some tap water but she didn’t want them. She wanted apple juice. She offered to flash me for some apple juice. I said sure.

She went off camera and lifted her top and bra for like 3 seconds.. 3 great seconds. She went and took 2 apple juices… I didn’t mind. She left happy, I was happy. It was a good night and all it cost was 2 apple juices on my tab. (PM_ME_YOUR_XBOX_KEYS)

Pre-Meeting Peep Show

I was in the introductory meeting for the new director our department. Everyone from our team, some project managers and the director of HR were in the room. He started his slideshow when all quickly realized it was the wrong ppt. It was porn. We all sat in stunned silence for a few moments before the new director frantically tried do something.

He was in full panic mode and just fumbled around for an even longer period of time before someone finally walked up to the projector and turned it off. He mumbled some apologies and we all awkwardly filed out of the room. We looked back in time to see the HR director close the conference room door, just the 2 of them. (nutkin)

Fight for Love

Worked for a lawyer in a shared office with a few other attorneys. One of the attorneys, Albert, was a grumpy and narcissistic. Another one of the attorneys had a young female assistant named Isabel. We hit it off, and got drinks after work a couple times. She had a boyfriend at the time, but she told me she had been planning to break up with him for a while and it seemed like something could definitely happen between us.

The other lawyer (who was about 20 years older than Isabel) took her to dinner, presumably as a professional guidance thing, but tried to kiss her. She was not having it. A couple weeks later, after she broke up with her boyfriend, we had sex in his storage room on top of his old case files. (razvanrat)

Eye Bleach, Please

Guy walks into my store wearing a ratty old bathrobe, one of the shorter ones that comes down just to around the knees. He comes up to my till with a soda and brings a fistful of change out of the robe’s pocket.
While counting out coins, he casually mentions, “I’m doing my laundry.” Then with a sly nod crotchward and a grin, adds, “All of it.”

Speechless, I take the money and put it in the till. I turn back with his receipt… just in time to see him fumble his coins and drop a bunch on the ground. Yes, he bent over right in front of me to pick them up. No, he was not lying about doing all of his laundry. No, there is not enough eye bleach in the world for the things I saw at that store. (NoUserOnlyZuul)

Going to Jail

When I was 15, I used to do research at my dad’s company. Every time I would go in there, I had an office to myself, away from anyone to see, so I would look up some dirty pictures online and print them out so no one would see what was on my computer screen. I had forgotten that I printed out a few pictures and they were left on the printer over the weekend, and on Monday, our secretary found all the pics I printed, and there was a lynch mob out for whoever printed them.

I would always clear my history, but it lead to us finding out that there was an employee who left his computer on all weekend logged into a porno site that everyone in the office ended up seeing. He had 5 tabs up on his computer and some were child porn. He was fired on spot, and was eventually arrested for some other child porn related offense. (chaddycat)

Opioid Epidemic

I was a manager for a restaurant a few years back. I had a “sick” dishwasher he had to rush to the bathroom. 15 minutes go by, and I get concerned. I head to the bathroom to find my dish washer passed out on the toilet. Didn’t take long to figure out he was unresponsive. Climbed under the stall and there he is. Needle on the floor and he’s turning purple.

At that moment I thought he was dead. Saw he was breathing, called an ambulance and pulled him off the toilet. I was in a panic and he was obviously dying. Gave him compressions and a decent slap. He coughs up some blood and is still unconscious. Paramedics arrive after what feels like a decade. They give him a shot and bam. The shot reversed the affect of him overdosing. (Higher_than_you)

Miss My Wife

I work in engineering/IT at a school and had to replace a teacher’s computer. His wife had been overseas for a few months touring with some sort of symphony orchestra. I knocked many times just to make sure he wasn’t in there. No reply. I enter and he is wearing headphones and jerking it to a video of his wife. The video of his wife was innocent but I guess he just really missed her.

He saw me and was so embarrassed I just shrugged it off, told him I’d be back in 15 mins. We never spoke of it again. (robinsonishyde)

Have you encountered NSFW things at your place of business? Let us know what happened in the comments and SHARE this story!

Original by Emily Hingle