As a professional dominatrix, and an all-around kinky lady, I love anal play. Your bum can play a delightful role in all sorts of fun, from a casual roll in the hay to the darkest, kinkiest scene ever. Sadly, homophobia and traditional sexual values mean that relatively few straight men consider asking to receive anal. They, and their women sex partners, are steeped in a culture that considers butt play “gay” – i.e., something to be avoided.
That’s a crying shame for men and women alike. For the penis-bearers among us, the backside is the gateway to the prostate and the base of the cock, where lots of wonderful, sensitive nerves are clustered; anal stimulation can result in a more powerful orgasm, and some lucky guys can learn to cum from butt play alone. It’s also an opportunity for men to enjoy the receptivity and vulnerability of being penetrated, which is a fulfilling part of sexuality that is largely off-limits to men in mainstream sexual culture.
As for myself, I never realised I had penis envy until I got a penis. Mine’s a strap-on, which consists of a silicone cock attached to a snug-fitting, adjustable harness that keeps the cock in place. I love to get a man to suck it, while I look into his eyes, controlling the face-fuck with my hand in his hair and the swivel of my hips. I love to work him up to the point where he is begging to take my cock up his arse.
For my personal play, I can attach an insertable toy to the inner surface of my strap on harness, and get penetrated while I thrust away, but for me, the biggest attraction of fucking a man’s arse is the process of getting him there, from the first initial exploration with a finger to the goal of a full-on shag.
Yes, I am inverting mainstream gender roles, and yes, I am dominating him; even if I’m not acting like a high and mighty mistress, I am running the show. With my cock inside him, I can grab his hips and pull his butt towards me. My silicone balls slap against his bum. I have a superpower; I can administer a painful fuck or a sensual screw, but either way, I feel like a goddess.
The strap-on is in a world of its own; the psychological power of a cock, of wearing it and fucking with it, and the deep stimulation that it provides, are altogether different than those caused by fingers and toys manipulated by hand. For some adventurers, it is possible to gradually stretch your arse so it can accommodate your lover’s hand and forearm (which is called “fisting” — link is not NSFW). When this is possible, the intensity and intimacy of it are unique; I love being surrounded by the pulsing flesh of my partner, and the control of wearing him like a puppet.
But cock isn’t the be all and end all of anal play. For most of us, the first and best beginner’s anal toy is the finger. Make sure your hands are clean and free of cuts, and if you’re not fluid-bonded with your partner, reduce risk by pulling on a latex or nitrile glove. Apply a bit of lube, and rub and explore the outside your man’s butthole, which should have been assiduously cleaned before sexy time. If you’re doing nice things to his cock and balls, or giving him that perfect amount of nipple stimulation or the dirty talk that you know he loves, he is likely to be eager and ready when you slip your index finger in. You can also try using your tongue – if you’re squeamish, or if you’re not fluid-bonded, you can always use a dental dam.
So, you’re standing over your gent, with a finger all the way inside him, and he’s lying on his back looking up at you in awe. Reach up inside and pull your finger towards you, and you’ll find a gland that feels a bit like a walnut. That’s his prostate, which creates the milky fluid that forms the basis of cum. Many guys really like it when you stroke it; it’s often called the P-spot, in comparison with a woman’s G-spot. After he’s comfortable with one finger, you can try adding another finger, and another; as you go, be sure to check in, and to learn, together, the difference between the discomfort of a new sensation and actual pain.
Remember that a rectum is more delicate than a vagina, which is designed to take a pounding. You want to keep adding lots of lube – really, more than you would imagine! And tissues and wipes are also your friend. With toys, dildos and strap-on cocks, you’ll want to go veeeeeery slowly and take lots of breaks; even for the experienced player, it can take an hour or more to get from fingers to bigger toys.
Always be mindful that our bodies are all different. For the gent who wants to try anal but can’t take a large toy, there are smaller toys and even petite strap-ons to give him the sensation he craves. There’s also anal training – get your guy to use a toy in his arse when he’s playing with himself. The Aneros range, for example, allow one-handed solo prostate stimulation, and a man can condition himself, working up gradually to larger toys or an inflatable buttplug. For the adventurous, there are even insertables that can be hooked up to an electro-stim machine, opening up the possibility of the no-hands orgasm.
In kink, we sometimes do anal play in a humiliating way. Such psychological play can be intense, and should be done carefully and negotiated before clothes come off. But for those who love it, being “forced” — in a safe, sane and consensual way, of course — to enter a submissive, receptive state while being fucked can be a special, cathartic release.
However you approach anal play, remember that there’s no right or wrong way to do it. Within the guidelines of safety, mutual fun and consent, we can welcome the chance to bend over our boyfriends. And instead of worrying, our men can drop trousers, spread their cheeks, and prepare for a long-anticipated, and very hot, brisk rogering.
Original by Margaret Corvid