Contents
Warning! NSFW!
Being poked and licked in the bum was once thought of as only a guy-on-guy thing. Perhaps modern adult films gave straight people the idea to use that hole for their own pleasure, because butt-play seems to have spread like wildfire the last few years. Many people of all sexual orientations want to give and/or take it in the tush.
Of course, it’s not a spot for everyone. A lot of men and women are scared of the pain and the poops. They may even be thrown off over what that particular hole might actually be like… Sweaty? Hairy? Dingleberry-filled?
If you have yet to experience any fun time back there, then I urge you to stop reading. The following real life Reddit stories are filled with nasty horror that will make you never want to experiment. Cases like these don’t happen that often, but when they do, it makes for an incredible read.
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True Love
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My boyfriend and I have only been dating a short time, but I have quickly gone from a strict “no anal” stance to, well, “sure, let’s anal, worth a shot.”
He started working me up to it with just a finger, very slowly, very gently, while also playing with my clit. The orgasm it gave me I have never had the likes of before. I have multiple orgasms, but none have ever felt as intense as this. He believes in fair play, so I have also gotten to play with his ass – both with my tongue and finger – and he too likes it and says the orgasms are great. The amount of cum he shoots when I do it is unreal.
Because I have a terrible fear that there will be poop up there, we got enema kits so that I could clean myself out. Worked great! Tonight we decided to play again, so I gave myself a couple enemas until the water ran clear and I felt confident.
He starts to play with me, one finger at first, giving me quite possibly the best orgasm of my life. When I recover, he starts playing again – this time with two fingers – again, bringing me to a mind-blowing orgasm. I am laying underneath him trying to describe the feeling and failing completely, when he asks if I want to go again. Duh!
This time he says we should try his dick – if only just the tip – just to see if it can happen this time. The last time we tried it hurt so much, but since he had primed me a little bit we thought it might work. It did! When he tried to go deep into me, it hurt, but when he let me f*** him (doggy style) while he was still I was able to get him pretty much all the way in without pain, and it felt good.
Partway through he said he wanted to put a dildo in me and vibrate it while he played with my clit. It felt great. Just as I was coming from it, I pulled away and off the dildo, and…..
oh god, a fountain of s*** came out. I guess there was a hidden pocket of enema water that had been hiding up there, and between the ass-f***ing and vibrator, it sure found its way out. We could not stop laughing – I ran to the bathroom to find streaks of s*** down my legs, and all the while every laugh made some more poop water leak out of my butt. It had gotten all over the sheets, but luckily not on him, and we had to wash everything while I took a shower. (fountain_head)
Teens are dumb
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When I was a horny, stupid and ignorant teenager, started to experiment with putting things in my ass. I had worked out that the easiest way for it was to place something on the ground, and then sit on it. I used a shampoo bottle with a cylindrical cap that you had to screw of to open the bottle. Apparently the person who last used that shampoo, hadn’t screwed it shut. I noticed this as the cap got ‘sucked in’. I was freaking out because, well, I shoved something up my ass and couldn’t get it out. I eventually decided to just wait if it would come out. I emptied the shampoo bottle, threw it in the trash and replaced it with a new one. Couple of hours later I had to go to the bathroom and I s***ted out the bottle cap. Man, what a relief. (Areann)
Birthday Present
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One of my best friends took a girl out to dinner to celebrate his birthday (he’s generous like that).
Things went really well and they ended up going back to her place to consummate the birthday rite. He managed to convince her that anal was appropriate (“It is my birthday, after all…..”) and off they went.
As he began to reach climax, he pulled out, closed his eyes and began to shave his ham like the fate of the world depended upon it. He heard her moaning, panting, wailing, screaming, etc. This, he said to himself, was a job well done.
Or so he thought. He opened his eyes to find that something had gone terribly awry and her moans were, in fact, a result of her releasing a generous dump all over the sheets. There, on top of her s***, lay his man sauce–the contrast of the white-on-brown stark and unforgiving.
My other best friend and I have since nicknamed this experience “pootine fries” and immortalized it on Urban Dictionary. (gibdaddyo)
The Worst Way
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I was 17 and a little sexually inexperienced. I was trying girl on top for the first time and was energetically bouncing up and down when his dick came out of my vagina, I must have adjusted slightly and came smashing down on his dick his my butt. It hurt. A lot. For both of us. I rolled off him and we both just lay there in agony for a little while.
8 years later and writing this still makes cringe. (hgdusnjjv883)
Ms. Experienced
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Well, there was the time my plug fell out at the mall. I think I played that one off okay.
Or there was the time I got a knot stuck in there and the police came to the door, I had to keep a straight face wearing nothing but a towel while they asked me if I had seen or heard anything strange lately.
The time I went on a hike with friends after a toy session and lube was leaking out my ass.
The time I thought nobody else was at the office and decided to toy in the bathroom and got a bit carried away and knocked over the supply shelf in the bathroom – the receptionist started banging on the door asking if she needed to call 911. (dragonsheath)
True Story?
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I read a confession post about a girl who had diarrhea on her boyfriend’s penis and she sucked on it so he wouldn’t see the s***. She ate s***. (chattypenguin)
Toots
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There’s a lot of farting, after. No one tells you about the farting…There’s a lot of farting, after. No one tells you about the farting… (LemonFake)
The Ol’ College Try
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My ex-wife was riding me. It was going pretty well. Her stomach had been feeling sour. She had an intense orgasm. I ended up with diarrhea all over my pelvic area. (chimusicguy)
First Timer
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Anal sex for the first time with ex girlfriend. I came in her and when I pulled out there was a poopy semen mixture all over my penis. She grabbed it and put it in her mouth before I could warn her about the poop. She threw up on my penis/balls. I threw up. She never called me back. [deleted user]
Heads up!
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I farted when someone was eating my ass. (MuscleBearScott)
The Best Part
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Easily my worst was in college I was a a party and was getting hit on by an extremely attractive co-ed. Throughout the night she keeps bringing me drinks and everything is all good, eventually she invites me back to her dorm. We are going at it and she is riding me, easily the hottest girl I’ve been with up until this point, and then… I can feel the poop coming. At this point I tell her I need to hit the bathroom real quick but she just pushes down on me and tells me to hold it. This really came out of nowhere and feels like the dam is going to break, I try to push her off but she doesn’t let me move so… I drop a huge load right in the middle of her bed. She gets off of me and I rush down the hall nude to the bathroom to clean off. I am ashamed to walk back but I had to get my stuff. I walk back in and she is rubbing all the fecal matter over herself, mouth, everything… I run out. Find out the next day she spikes guys drinks with laxatives and brings them back so she can get off on the poop. (omfgjohnny)
First thrust and she farted. Which made her laugh. Which made her fart more. (acrunchycaptain)
“Accidentally”
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My ex and I had jokingly come up with a safe word. Banana. We weren’t really into kinky stuff, but we joked that if we were, that would be our safe word.
Well one day we’re doing it doggy style. I don’t know what was different about this time, but it felt better than it ever had before. I got a little over excited and came out. I go and shove myself back in. Then I hear my ex shouting “BANANA! BANANA! OH GOD, BANANA!” I asked her what was wrong as she scurried away from me. Evidently, in my fervor, I shoved my dick in her butt. (dark_not_evil)
I literally cannot
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Got black out drunk with this chick. When I came to, she was blowing me. And then I ripped a big ol gnarly fart right in her face. She kept blowing me, and I later found out we had had anal earlier that night. (superwinner)
Poor Dog
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Not me, friend’s co-worker: Doing anal for the first time on the girls parents couch. Surprise! Parents come home early, the guy pulls out quickly causing the girl to shit herself on the couch. They blame it on the family dog. The parents put the dog down for s***ting on the couch. (swimmingpooloflife)
Not grossed out enough? Then read more over at Reddit.
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Original by Chewy Boese
