All of the terms for masturbating are male oriented. Fapping describes the sound of one lone hand beating against a sad erection. Beating the meat, choking the chicken, beating off, jerking it, jacking off, whacking off, wanking, yankin’ it, pullin’ your pud are all gross but very man-specific terms for the art of self-pleasure, suggesting […]
Step 1: Lay down on the examination/surgical table, swallowing your immense fear. Step 2: Pour fear sweat so excessively that you leave a butt- and leg-shaped sweat stain, complete with a dry spot where the asshole doesn’t touch. Step 3: Watch as the doctor shaves your pubes. Remain reclined on top of pubes until procedure […]
I am not young at heart. I’m pretty sure I’m old at heart. I’m pretty sure that, deep within me, there’s a crotchety but lovable 84-year-old woman trying to nudge me with her walker toward the best possible life. I use words like “hullaballoo” in casual conversation. I think things are “newfangled.” I view television […]
As I’ve mentioned before, I’m a slob. Cleaning is one of my least favorite activities in the world, and I get the urge to tidy up about as often as I get the urge to, oh, I don’t know, relive middle school. But over the course of the last year I’ve made a dedicated effort […]
Fact: If you have an apartment that looks really cool, people will assume you’ve got the rest of your life more or less handled. Like, sure, you flake out on your friends more often than you see them, routinely drink a bottle of cheap Syrah by yourself and slide into ill-advised DMs, and you haven’t been […]
The secret to a sophisticated but affordable living space is pretty pillows and tasteful lamps. These types of functional home décor can polish off the most minimalistic space. This weekend, I ventured out on a mission to update my pathetic $10 bedside lamps with something a little chicer on a budget of $60. Instead of a pattered shade, which […]
Are you ladies more kinky than you are admitting? Considering the popularity of “50 Shades of Gray,” the erotica book burning the laps of lady readers across the country, I’m guessing you gals might be a tad kink-curious. Of course, there is a difference between reading about kinky sex and actually doing it– but both […]
Since dorm rooms are usually quite small, and there are usually at least two people who share that small space, it’s quite a challenge to think of a way to style such a room. For a while, the only way you could decorate your dorm room was to use some posters or bring in a […]
As if you needed another reason not to film porn in God’s house: a woman in Austria got caught having filmed XXX video inside a Catholic church because someone recognized her boobs. An Austrian man warned his local priest that he had recognized the inside of a Hoersching church “while surfing the Internet” (uh huh). […]
