My lady friend asked me if I thought it was “absurd” to want to be monogamous with someone and I immediately told her that I did not think it was absurd. It’s absurd to want to be monogamous with a rhinoceros or a pineapple. Especially pineapples, because they are the sluttiest fruit. But I do […]
As parents must safeguard their homes against the presence of a toddler, so must single men prepare their apartments for the company of a woman. This process is called girlproofing. I must give credit where credit is due here. It was the great John DeVore of “Mind of Man” fame who coined the term. He […]
I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I have two mildly unfortunate tattoos. Annika just got a new tat, bringing her grand total to eight pieces of ink. The reasons for our ink could not be more different—I got mine when I was young and stupid and I totally regret them. If I could, I […]
Love is elusive. Therefore, you must find ways to soothe your existential loneliness. I’m not talking about your most reliable booty call because even fun-but-meaningless hookups lose their appeal in times of extreme single angst. The itch you’re trying to scratch is not sex, but LOVE. And boyfriends who love you are so hard to […]
Sept. 14 marks the year anniversary of my ex deciding to take a break from our relationship. (Which means it’s also the one year anniversary of his relationship with his subordinate! Congrats, you two!) Can you believe I’ve been writing about this s**t for a year? Even though it feels like it went by in […]
Men! There are plenty of things about women that they don’t understand, but they really, really don’t understand what goes into our appearances. Sure, they sort of get why we might feel like we need concealer, or even lipstick. But when it comes to more nuanced beauty tricks, like filling in your eyebrows or using […]
OK, I’m about to discuss a short scene from episode of “Mad Men,” so if you haven’t watch it yet — oh my God, you have to watch it!!! — you may want to stop reading. Are we all good now? Good. Now that we can speak freely, first, how awesome was Joan’s big moment last […]
“Date-rape drugs are largely an urban myth used as an excuse by women who booze themselves into a stupor, it has been claimed.” That’s the first line from an article in today’s Daily Mail, about a new study out of the University of Kent that suggests many women mistake being drunk for being drugged. Of course, […]
I’ve lived with several women, and I don’t blame them for moving out as soon as they became aware of my idiosyncrasies. I don’t even blame them for leaving their cats behind, as long as they don’t blame me for giving the cats away (by opening my kitchen door and yelling at them). Here are […]
